The following is from Brave Part III Confronting Shyness, in the chapter “More, So Much More to Do”
I was in my fifties, struggling hard, seeing some light, glimpsing some essence of people and life. I knew I would see this through and someday not be shy. I had to keep on.
“I learned some powerful dynamics of physical energy quite by accident. San Miguel de Allende is 6,500 feet above sea level, and while walking up the hill to our home, often I had to sit to catch my breath. One time I sat down and found I wasn’t out of breath.
To myself I said, What’s happening? I’ve walked this hill three days in a row and I’m not out of breath. I feel fine. This is incredible. Can it be that the more energy I put out, the more I have within? Having more energy is the key to everything. Imagine resting up all those times in my childhood before an event–now I suspect it just made me weaker. I wonder, is there a snowball effect in everything people do, from physical exercise to showing warmth–the more warmth you give out, the more you will have within? The kinder you are to others, the kinder you will want to be?”
Life is one heck of a big puzzle; the beauty lies in making sense of it. Those who want to be healthy dare not stop.
Very inspirational Mom! Keep up the good work!
Dear Helen
Its been a long time since I’ve visited your page. Interesting journey so far. Just a thought going through my mind – Where and how far does the technological culture leave our abilities to overcome shyness, whatever the degree of this handicap…
Computer games and so on brings the disconnection of face to face interaction, isolation and disjoints the social context of a traditional family lifestyle, the relationships not onli with people but earth, nature – Do you think the technological culture is placing limitations to those already suffering varying degree of shyness? Where does it leave their state of mind, body and spirit to overcome their handicap….?
Best wishes
Trusha
Informative points.
I always bring up Jerome Kagan’s studies whenever someone claims, “Shyness is learned, so you can unlearn it.”
one poster has even said “Shyness is learned by the age of two.” They usually don’t back up this statement by explaining how something like bashfulness could be learned by the age of two.
Just because bashfulness is partly inherited, however, that doesn’t mean we are powerless to change, just that we should not waste our time worrying over the past or putting the blame on our upbringing.
Hi Tim,
The road to overcome shyness for me was to 1) get to know myself, like myself, forgive myself and 2) the same with other people. And after that much more work, but those processes involved the past. So I am not one who says forget the past, it’s not important, live in the present. Live in the present yes, when you can, but if there is hurt or pain from the past in your life, I believe you have to get into the past in order to get over it. Casting blame is totally useless, thoughtless as well as harmful.
Best,
Helen
Dear Helen
Its been a long time since I’ve visited your page. Interesting journey so far. Just a thought going through my mind – Where and how far does the technological culture leave our abilities to overcome shyness, whatever the degree of this handicap…
Computer games and so on brings the disconnection of face to face interaction, isolation and disjoints the social context of a traditional family lifestyle, the relationships not onli with people but earth, nature – Do you think the technological culture is placing limitations to those already suffering varying degree of shyness? Where does it leave their state of mind, body and spirit to overcome their handicap….?
Best wishes
Hi Trusha,
Forgive my delay is responding to your so very, very important question about human development,technological devices and Internet. I had been busy preparing to leave San Miguel de Allende and now I’m settling into my Maine home.
My gut reaction to your question is hurrah for the Internet. You never have to feel lonely or bored or sad anymore because it can keep you so immersed in interesting activities that these feelings won’t surface. If I had any spare time, which nowadays I seldom have, why I could even have an excellent game of bridge online with real people. For my singing groups I can hear and learn about our pieces on U-tube, sung by a variety of groups. I can write to you and communicate with you so easily and so quickly!
I think technology helps in communication, in feeling good about yourself and in your accomplishments. It will put a smile on your face and when you leave home, others will feel your joy and respond positively to you. Now, this is for the introvert who may or may not be shy. For the extrovert, tech devices and Internet have little major social and personal impact in their lives: they want to be with other people in the flesh, jostling their energies in person. They probably enjoy technology for work.
About traditional family upbringing and lifestyles? It’s difficult to imagine (almost impossible?) what young children of today will be thinking and how they will behave in the future. I rest my own soul with faith that upcoming generations will have the wisdom and goodwill to be as civilized as we are and even beyond what we witness in the world of our own making. It is their challenge, their personal lives and their international world that they will try to define with positive outcomes. It will be an enormous struggle, but you and I know that that is what life is always like.
The sun has come out here today after three cold, foggy and wet days. Everything is beautiful. I await for a red bird to come sit on the branches of our leafing oak trees.
Helen